Let’s be honest, we live in a society that prides itself on self-sufficiency. But is that making us better, more independent people or are we shooting ourselves in our collective foot by forcing a sort of self-imposed “do it all-ness” upon ourselves?

Let’s explore.

We all know the phrase “it takes a village,” so when did it become a weakness to ask for help? We know for certain that high powered execs and the upper tier of our workforce basically rely upon their team of assistants and admins to stay abreast of the goings’ on. So why is it that a woman working 60 hours a week feels like she is letting herself down when she asks for help with the things that are causing her to feel overwhelmed. To that point, when did it become a badge of honor to have a full work-week plus extra-curriculars plus family plus social events. We go to an inhuman speed until we are forced to burnout or to wind ourselves down with days and weeks of numbing ourselves. It can seem obvious and also impossible to find a more balanced stasis mode, but there are a few simple steps we can take to ask for help in an empowered and effective way. 

• Get specific on what you need. Often it is the little things that add up and make our day seem unmanageable. What tasks do you dread doing or have you put off for the longest? Is there someone you know that has offered to help before but you have turned them down? Often our family and close friends will offer to help when they recognize that someone may need it and we turn it down as an instinctive response. Revisit this. And if you realize that there are recurring tasks that are building up, or you may benefit from more consistent help- hire out when possible.
• Practice asking for help. We all know the adage, practice makes perfect. This comes to the more minute things as well, such as having a conversation that makes us feel uncomfortable. What are you planning to ask for? Are you going to give background or simply ask for a favor? Who will you ask- do you know them well enough to have a sense of how they might respond? If possible, role play a scenario where they accept your request- what is the most ideal turn of this conversation? Go into it with the mentality that you are both going to come out feeling happy- you for getting the help you need and them for being able to help you!
• Offer something in return. This one  you get to decide if you take or leave. Often if we are new to asking for help, feeling nervous or insecure- offering something as payment or a gesture of thanks will help ease the way. It doesn’t have to be money (unless you are hiring an assistant or helper of course!) but offering to buy dinner or drinks, or taking that person out as a thank you not only shows your gratitude but also strengthens the relationship. 

Asking for help can be awkward- especially if we are new to the idea. But by being prepared and above all else with a positive mindset- what are you gaining rather than what are you not able to do- we can change all of that. Changing what it means to “do it all” one person at a time, and it can all start with you.